Marley is in kindergarten now, and although she has "boot-skated" in previous years, this is her first year with actual skates. Many kids Marley's age and younger are experienced skaters already. This has been a growing source of guilt and frustration for me. I have felt like a negligent mother, because of the lack of resources we've invested in winter sports-type activities.
Marley is my most challenging child. She's the first. Naturally, I treat her with higher expectations and less understanding than she is developmentally capable of living up to. On top of my high expectations, I am often mindless about respecting her temperament, intensity, and activity level. I fail to appreciate her for being her. Thankfully, her spirit has not been broken. Rather, it is contagious and reminds me to reframe my thoughts and values.
When we surprised Marley with skates she said, "Oh, Mom!!! I always wanted skates before. Thank you!" We brought her skating that night. Mahala's were a little too small, so we have since exchanged them. Marley was so happy the whole evening. She fell a lot, but each bruising fall did not alter her spirit of joy and determination. Never once did she complain, compare or get discouraged. I admire this so much about her.
The experience of watching what my daughter values pushed me to reframe and reflect upon and perhaps most importantly, remind myself of what I value. I value the simple things in life over the material things, but it is so easy to forget and loose track of that.
Each of my children is a blessing from God, and as a parent, I understand my parental role. I have the moral obligation to feed, shelter, clothe and educate my daughters. As a parent, I understand that my children are not really mine. They are their own persons, but I am morally obligated to teach them faith, values and the difference between what is right and what is wrong. And although this is MY job as a parent, it is funny how God disciplines and teaches us.
All three of my daughters are vastly different. And yet, from each one of them I have learned more than I have really taught them.
From Marley, I consistently learn how to appreciate and love the little things: the sunset, the sparkly snow, the butterflies. She reminds me of the song "Tis the gift to be simple. 'Tis the gift to be free. 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. And when we find ourselves in a place just right, it will be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we will not be ashamed. To turn, turn will be our delight. 'Til by turning, turning we come round right." I just imagine Marley running and dancing through fields of dandelions, shrieking with glee in the open air.
From Mahala, I consistently learn that the words we use and how well we understand others matters. Mahala always knows what to say to make someone feel better. In Pre-K she was in an activity group with one of the Teacher's Assistants. Rather out of nowhere Mahala said, "Your mother must be very proud of you." The TA was shocked. Her mother had just passed away weeks ago, and as far as she knew, none of the kids even knew that. The TA had been mourning the loss of her mother. She asked curiously, "Why do you say that Mahala?" And Mahala replied, "I know, because you help kids. So your mother must be proud of you." Tears filled the TA's eyes and she ran up to Dylan the very next day to share the story of what Mahala said and how much peace it brought her.
Michal has always been easier for me in some ways than the other two. I have been through this stage of parenting and development before. And yet, she is so different than the other two. While Mahala teaches me how much words matter, Michal teaches me how much actions matter. She's a pro at communicating nonverbally. Michal is strong-willed and has an attitude beyond her age, but she is also empathetic and caring. She's gentle with babies (thankfully!) and adores her sisters. She strives to be a part of their community and to contribute what she can to that community we call family.
I would like to continue to write, but my alone time has ended. ;-) Today I am thankful for the lessons I learn from Marley, Mahala, and Michal.
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