Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I finished Mahala's sandwich.

I had a Polly's date with Mahala today and bought her a turkey sandwich. After she was full and working on a puzzle I finished her sandwich. No big deal, I thought until she asked where the sandwich went.

"I'm sorry honey," I said. "I thought you were done, so I ate it."

"Oh," she looked at me and my belly, "I guess the baby is crowded up because of the food now."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I love you beyond.

The first word Marley legibly wrote was "Mom." The second word was "love". As she started to write sentences, the first sentences she wrote had the same words in them as her first words. "To Mom and Dad," she wrote, "I love you." She writes a lot about love still, as a six year old in kindergarten.

"Mom," she said the other day.

"What?" I asked. I was "busy", because there always seems to be SOMETHING more important than relaxing and taking time to listen.

"How do you spell 'beyond'?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I replied, wondering if I heard her correctly.

"Because Mom, I'm writing 'I love you beyond,' and that's a lot, right? It's the most. It's beyond."

"Oh. B-E-Y-O-N-D. Be-yond." I spelled it for her and went on with whatever I was doing, this time less rushed and more relaxed. I sunk into a meditative state, pondering "beyond", while doing dishes.

Meta-physics means beyond the physical. I like words. I like to break them down and analyze every detail of their definitions. As a philosopher and theologian, studying metaphysics is right up my alley. I'm fascinated by the spiritual world. I'm in love with love. But I had never thought of loving "beyond". And much to my six-year old's credit, to love someone "beyond" really does make sense. It does mean to love them "the most," beyond the physical measurement and into the spiritual world.

Five minutes later, I received my newest work of art from Marley. "To Mom," I read, "I love you beyond."

Sometimes I am sure I learn more from my children than they learn from me. "I love you beyond too Marley."

Good News, Great Joy---Marley


Dylan and I received mail from the school district yesterday. It is nothing abnormal for us to receive mail from SPPS since we have a child in kindergarten, prekindergarten and ECFE in the Saint Paul School District. But we curiously opened our mail and were delightfully surprised to see Marley had tested really well in the Gifted & Talented Exam.

Marley is responsible, empathetic, posseses strong critical thinking and reasoning skills, is creative and imaginative. I can say so many wonderful things about her when she's not running circles around me. But most of the time, she is running circles around me (or someone else). Her social carelessness and speech/language struggle, as well as her ADHD traits have caused me to really worry about her, analyze what might be "wrong", and work to give her the necessary tools to be a successful person. I've had her tested by the school district and privately, thinking she needs special education services. When I opened the letter from the school district and saw how well Marley tested, I felt so proud and just stared at the sheet. I know she is intelligent, but I did not realize she would TEST well or that her intelligence would be measured accurately in the exam.

This morning when Dylan dropped Marley off at school, he asked, " What's your job at school today?" He must ask her all the time, because she rolled her eyes, smiled from ear to ear and said, "Have fun and learn, Dad."

Then as a command, as if playing drill sergeant, he said, "Go! Have fun and learn!"

I feel really proud of my family today.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Michal's Birthday


Michal celebrated her 2nd birthday on Friday. We had a total of 17 kids at our house, plus a few adults to celebrate with her.

I was nervous at first about entertaining so many little ones, but when I had the initial idea for a party I wanted to keep things simple. I shared this with Dylan and Mary, both of whom were totally supportive from the get go.

Besides that I wanted to let the kids have fun without planning for them, I did not want people to feel the need to buy gifts. Michal does not need anything, and I don't want my kids to value materials over people. Michal has more than her necessities met, and I truly did not want anyone to bring any gift but their own presence.

After that Friday night experience I will admit I have never been so confident about what kids do and do not need. Other than meeting their basic necessities, they don't need much. They need the opportunity to be kids and belong to a community.

I am thankful it went well, and I am thankful for what I learned. I am especially thankful to Dylan and Mary. Dylan was confident that our plan of nonplanning would be fun. Mary was strong and stable for me at the party (and before then too). It amused and relaxed me that she brought her snowpants and went outside with the kids. For a few minutes at least I felt like we were twelve years old again and without any worries. I was also able to appreciate that my parents played with us. My Dad was never shy to play soccer with us or have us race outside. My Mom played games and took us swimming. Neither of my parents cared what other people thought of them.

I love being able to reconnect with the simple, beautiful things in life. Kids can be such a source of joy if we let them be, but as adults, we forget how to play. Kids don't really need things to have fun---just each other. I hope to practice living a little more like a child this year.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Classical Music

Marley and Mahala had classical music on while they were playing with dolls and stuffed animals in their room. Their radio is mounted on the wall, so they can't change stations. I overheard them approach Dylan and ask him to "PLEASE turn the classical music off."

"Why?" Dylan asked.

"Because it gives us nightmares!" Mahala responded.

My conclusion is that classical music may make kids smarter, but it also gives them nightmares.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Frustrations & Prayers

I feel sad and hurt by the deception and emptiness seeping from my husband's biological family. This year has been especially painful in our family experience.



For me, I am thankful to have grown up in a strong family unit. My parents each took responsibility for teaching us about life, free will, family history, faith. I never realized how very important all of these things were to developing me and my siblings into the strong moral consciences we are today.



I shared with Dylan that as a child I so badly wanted to be a "normal" American. I wanted to "fit in" and have the freedoms I observed in my peers. There is hardly anything I am more thankful for now than not being "normal" and being raised with strong faith and values.



As an adult, I am thankful for every time my parents said "no", even when it seemed irrational. I am thankful for every time they gave me a little bit more responsibility than my peers even when it was not "fun". As parents, we are called to love and to discipline our children. Our parents' choices do not always make sense to us, but life doesn't always make sense either. God's choices certainly do not always make sense to us. I love "Fiddler on the Roof" when Tevye says, "Dear God, I know we are the chosen people. But ONCE IN A WHILE, could you choose someone else?" I think we all feel that way sometimes. It would be easier to not be CHOSEN to make the tough decisions.
=========================================================
I would like to return to the subject of filial obligations. I honor my parents, and I adore my siblings. I cannot possibly imagine living in a world in which my siblings refused to talk to me without reason. From a young age, my parents taught us to take care of each other. As a parent, I respect and hold that lesson dear to me. After our parents are gone, just as after Dylan and I pass on, all our children really have is each other.



Friends may come and friends may go, but we always have each other.



I hurt for my husband that he does not have a loving family experience, no matter how hard he has tried and no matter how much of himself he has lovingly given to them. It is tough to know what to do and how to continue to be good Christians AND protect our children at the simultaneously.



In my sorrow, I understand more than ever the importance of teaching family values. I feel fortunate and balanced that I have a masculine father (with a backbone) and a femenine mother (with empathy). I believe firmly that the ideal way to raise a child is by one father and one mother. More important than financial resources is LOVE, understanding, and committment.



I have learned also a lot through experience about what values and education are most important for me to teach my children. It would be nice to afford music lessons, sports, tutors, and everything else, but above all, I want my children to be moral beings. I want them to be leaders, and I want them to do what is right, even when it does not reap pleasurable consequences. I want them to stick up to what is wrong, even when it causes earthly pain. I want my children to be mindful, empathetic and loving. I want them to love and honor other human beings, even when it is inconvenient.

I humbly ask for your prayers that Dylan and I will do the right thing, even when it hurts and even when we are in pain. I ask also for prayers for my in-laws. They are constantly looking for happiness in every place but where God and true love are present.

Family Fun

January 12, 2009---